THE ART OF THE DATE FOR HEALING
Do we know how to date? Is the Art of this relating skill being lost? I hope not. I endeavor to weave this into my sessions now. And with this will come experience and ideas of how to infuse romance, courting, innovation, energy and care back into all relationships at home. If there are questions of how to give then I am perfectly positioned to explain what I have learned, what has been missing at times and what would be so simple to solve a whole lot in long term relationships, as I have a long term relationship of twenty years. I can relate to the married and the partners out there that need to override hurdles that come with time.
One of the biggest problems with a long relationship is boredom. Neither party wants to think of new ideas and anything strange is just so awkward at this point of excessive comfort with each other. Here a date helps to break up the monotony and change scenery. Regular dates build a relationship. If the interest is not there at first, fake it. Getting out of a slump takes an extraordinary movement at times.
Another issue can be lack of communication when one wishes for one thing and the other will never know. If it has been relayed it is under pressure. This can also be resolved as practice in new things inspires new ways to bring up conversations or have them at the same time as doing something fun like bowling or walking at a fair or midway. Lightening a heavy conversation will help it happen.
As the Marriage counselor Harville Hendrix explains, we have met our long term partners based on our old brain, the Diencephalon, or the Hypothalamus gland, seeking out the safety and security of what it enjoyed from primary caregivers or parents from when a person is young. The other attributes sought out are also the broken, frustrating aspects of what our primary caregivers or parents displayed because we are determined to fix those things to become whole (albeit unconsciously). So in essence our unconscious really chooses our partners that mean something special to us, and it’s unique to us. It may be shrouded in wonderful beauty and enjoyment in the beginning with rose colored glasses. This is nature’s survival of the species, in that we will become connected in the wonderful bliss of falling in love and hopefully remember this when it fades and now the issues need to be worked on.
The reason I explain the above paragraph is because I believe in this very much. If a partnership sticks it out and works through the issues with fair clear communication and some expert help, it is our lover and love relationship that can truly heal all parts of our eternal heart and soul. And one of the greatest ways to dedicate time and effort to this endeavor is through dating (again).
And what do I mean by a date. I don’t mean a quickie or romp, which may or may not be equal in enjoyment but I mean an outing, adult Playing, doing meaningless, enjoyable things together and experiencing something as new as you can manage as a couple as often as you can. It may seem difficult and contrived in the beginning but it gets easier and more fun.
So set aside Date night. Plan together or surprise one another. Enjoy your play date!